The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
