He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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