Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
