Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
