"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
