Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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