Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
