not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
