im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found your dick twin last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
