His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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