So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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