We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
