my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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