You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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