I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
