Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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