It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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