i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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