Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm like, not good at living.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
