i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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