shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
