You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
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The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Drunk is not a location!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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