can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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