And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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