I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
