Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
