No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
