I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
