this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize