So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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