When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
