he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
