I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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