"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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