WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
