It's like God shit irony all over that family
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
