Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
