I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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