Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
handjob tips. give me some.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
