Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
