He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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