Hey man sorry I got all grabby
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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