i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
