Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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