really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
