Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
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It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My bed smells like the plague
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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