I need help removing her.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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