He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
