You can't special order awesome
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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