this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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