Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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