we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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