after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
should my penis look like a turkey
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's get the cat blown out
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
