I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
