I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
