Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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