Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
