That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
