Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
