how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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