thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Are we still banned from the library?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
