Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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