did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
