If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is classic penis vs brain.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
