the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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