Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
