he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
