Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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