Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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